Trying to be body positive
Why are we so bothered by our bodies and how can we make things better, asks Eleanor Walters
Think about your body.
What’s the first thing that comes to mind? An internal cringe, a feeling of hatred or just general embarrassment?
If that’s how you feel, you’re certainly not alone. A study by the Women and Equalities committee in 2020 found that 66% of children/ young people felt ‘negative’ or ‘very negative’ about their bodies most of the time. So, a common feeling - clearly.
But why? Is it just changing teenage hormones that create these emotions? Or are there other sources of this problem – and if so, what can we do about it? Are we really as out of control of our own minds as our teenage brains convince ourselves we are?
Let’s start with education. A huge thing in our lives - and has been since we were tiny. Do you remember those two teeth in preschool that we would label with good foods and bad foods for each one? For something so seemingly insignificant we did when we were so young, it seems to have stuck. Good food of course being fruits and vegetables, and bad food being anything with a touch of added sugar. But what about the ‘in between’ food? What about the ‘actually reasonable for a healthy body food’? These categories simply don’t exist in the real world. All foods can fit into a healthy diet, the sweet, savoury, salty, sour, everything. You don’t have to avoid these ‘bad foods’ like the plague. Balance is the key, and so long as you sustain it, you can eat everything that was listed on the two teeth.
Now the big one: social media. I’m sure that, as a teen, you’ve had some form of exposure to social media. It dictates our lives in so many ways – such as what we wear, what we read, what we believe and coincidentally, what we eat. I’m sure you’ve seen those videos of the ‘dupes’ that supposedly taste exactly like an actual snickers or a genuine doughnut.
Plot twist: a few dates with peanuts and chocolate is never going to taste like a snicker. Let’s be real, it can be delicious, and sometimes those swaps are incredible for those struggling with overeating or making balanced choices but overall, it’s just not the same. You can enjoy both things guilt-free without thinking too deeply about the exact calorie content of the food.
Leading on from this is all the important topic of bodies and social media. It’s no surprise that we develop these insecurities and false beliefs of how we should look when we are spoon-fed the idea that there is one perfect body, and everything else is wrong. This same study showed that 65% of young people though there was an ideal body, and I’m sure I can imagine what it is.
Tall, slim, blonde, blue eyed, flat stomach, white and conventionally pretty. Or maybe toned with muscles and a beard? Catwalk model style. But just take a minute to think how crazy it is that we compare our bodies to these influencers and models and celebrities when we ourselves are still growing and when our world is infinitely more diverse that this. We can’t look like these people because our bodies aren’t fully developed yet – and because everyone cannot look the same. We are still undergoing so much incredible change that, theoretically, it doesn’t make sense to compare ourselves to these fully developed adults. But we do. And the problem is made worse by the lack of diversity in the beauty industry. It’s getting there, but the chances are you won't see anyone that looks like you. But just because you don’t see anyone that looks like you, doesn’t mean that how you look isn't valid or ‘correct’.
General society definitely impacts our relationship with our bodies, as we move through social groups and interact more with each other. It may even be family that alters your perception of health. For example, being judged for the amount you eat - too much or too little - or being eyed down in certain clothes due to the way your body has changed. Maybe it’s walking through streets or corridors and feeling like everyone’s looking at you and your body, judging you because you don’t look like their idea of perfect. These feelings can have a severe impact on our mental health, and I doubt the things we assume others are thinking are in any way a representation of the truth at all.
Okay so, what can we do?
Now, I highly doubt that this article will be able to change your whole perception of your body. Only you can do that. But I have some tips and I’m going to try help, however much or little it works.
First, unfollow those accounts that just make you feel bad. I know you know which ones. Scroll past them on your feed, don’t like their posts, until your algorithm notices and they slowly go away. Instead, follow accounts from people that promote more inclusivity, that aren’t afraid to show their flaws and what makes them human. They may be hard to find but trust me, they are there.
Next, start developing a healthy relationship with food and exercise. Now this I’ve said all in one sentence, when really it is the exact opposite. These relationships will be something you work on for life, they will change and grow with you, but you can always sustain that goal of trying to make them healthy. View food as something totally necessary, something that you need to survive, but also as something fun. Try making new things and trying new snacks. Get food with friends and family and let them make you meals. Slowly you’ll come to realise that food is so much fun and it’s so much more worth it to enjoy every bite than it is to be scared. View exercise as something totally necessary to keep you healthy, but also something that’s fun and makes you feel amazing. Try different sports, or go on runs, or start dancing. There are so many things to try, and you’ll find something that works for you. Learn to take healthy breaks and learn why you need to take them – i.e. to help muscles repair and grow - and exercise to feel better not look better. It’s going to take a while, believe me, but take it slow and steady and you’ll be there.
Finally, confidence. Being attractive and beautiful is a mindset, not a look. If you can look in the mirror and, no matter what you see, say, I’m beautiful today, then it’s decided. That’s just a fact now. And if that’s too big a step, then think of it like this: celebrate your body for all that it can do, not the way it looks. Think of how amazing it is that maybe you’ve climbed that tree or won that race or danced at that party or lifted that weight. That’s pretty incredible, right? Think of all your body has done for you and slowly realise how amazing you are. Then wear those clothes that make you feel self-conscious, because one day, after enough wearing, they won’t anymore.
Treat yourself like someone you love, compliment yourself, hype yourself up and celebrate how cool it is that you’re challenging this toxic idea of your body. I really and truly hope that this helped someone, in any way at all, because everyone deserves to feel loved, including by themselves.
My final message is: don’t shrink yourself, you’re allowed to take up space.
Eleanor Walters
Think about your body.
What’s the first thing that comes to mind? An internal cringe, a feeling of hatred or just general embarrassment?
If that’s how you feel, you’re certainly not alone. A study by the Women and Equalities committee in 2020 found that 66% of children/ young people felt ‘negative’ or ‘very negative’ about their bodies most of the time. So, a common feeling - clearly.
But why? Is it just changing teenage hormones that create these emotions? Or are there other sources of this problem – and if so, what can we do about it? Are we really as out of control of our own minds as our teenage brains convince ourselves we are?
Let’s start with education. A huge thing in our lives - and has been since we were tiny. Do you remember those two teeth in preschool that we would label with good foods and bad foods for each one? For something so seemingly insignificant we did when we were so young, it seems to have stuck. Good food of course being fruits and vegetables, and bad food being anything with a touch of added sugar. But what about the ‘in between’ food? What about the ‘actually reasonable for a healthy body food’? These categories simply don’t exist in the real world. All foods can fit into a healthy diet, the sweet, savoury, salty, sour, everything. You don’t have to avoid these ‘bad foods’ like the plague. Balance is the key, and so long as you sustain it, you can eat everything that was listed on the two teeth.
Now the big one: social media. I’m sure that, as a teen, you’ve had some form of exposure to social media. It dictates our lives in so many ways – such as what we wear, what we read, what we believe and coincidentally, what we eat. I’m sure you’ve seen those videos of the ‘dupes’ that supposedly taste exactly like an actual snickers or a genuine doughnut.
Plot twist: a few dates with peanuts and chocolate is never going to taste like a snicker. Let’s be real, it can be delicious, and sometimes those swaps are incredible for those struggling with overeating or making balanced choices but overall, it’s just not the same. You can enjoy both things guilt-free without thinking too deeply about the exact calorie content of the food.
Leading on from this is all the important topic of bodies and social media. It’s no surprise that we develop these insecurities and false beliefs of how we should look when we are spoon-fed the idea that there is one perfect body, and everything else is wrong. This same study showed that 65% of young people though there was an ideal body, and I’m sure I can imagine what it is.
Tall, slim, blonde, blue eyed, flat stomach, white and conventionally pretty. Or maybe toned with muscles and a beard? Catwalk model style. But just take a minute to think how crazy it is that we compare our bodies to these influencers and models and celebrities when we ourselves are still growing and when our world is infinitely more diverse that this. We can’t look like these people because our bodies aren’t fully developed yet – and because everyone cannot look the same. We are still undergoing so much incredible change that, theoretically, it doesn’t make sense to compare ourselves to these fully developed adults. But we do. And the problem is made worse by the lack of diversity in the beauty industry. It’s getting there, but the chances are you won't see anyone that looks like you. But just because you don’t see anyone that looks like you, doesn’t mean that how you look isn't valid or ‘correct’.
General society definitely impacts our relationship with our bodies, as we move through social groups and interact more with each other. It may even be family that alters your perception of health. For example, being judged for the amount you eat - too much or too little - or being eyed down in certain clothes due to the way your body has changed. Maybe it’s walking through streets or corridors and feeling like everyone’s looking at you and your body, judging you because you don’t look like their idea of perfect. These feelings can have a severe impact on our mental health, and I doubt the things we assume others are thinking are in any way a representation of the truth at all.
Okay so, what can we do?
Now, I highly doubt that this article will be able to change your whole perception of your body. Only you can do that. But I have some tips and I’m going to try help, however much or little it works.
First, unfollow those accounts that just make you feel bad. I know you know which ones. Scroll past them on your feed, don’t like their posts, until your algorithm notices and they slowly go away. Instead, follow accounts from people that promote more inclusivity, that aren’t afraid to show their flaws and what makes them human. They may be hard to find but trust me, they are there.
Next, start developing a healthy relationship with food and exercise. Now this I’ve said all in one sentence, when really it is the exact opposite. These relationships will be something you work on for life, they will change and grow with you, but you can always sustain that goal of trying to make them healthy. View food as something totally necessary, something that you need to survive, but also as something fun. Try making new things and trying new snacks. Get food with friends and family and let them make you meals. Slowly you’ll come to realise that food is so much fun and it’s so much more worth it to enjoy every bite than it is to be scared. View exercise as something totally necessary to keep you healthy, but also something that’s fun and makes you feel amazing. Try different sports, or go on runs, or start dancing. There are so many things to try, and you’ll find something that works for you. Learn to take healthy breaks and learn why you need to take them – i.e. to help muscles repair and grow - and exercise to feel better not look better. It’s going to take a while, believe me, but take it slow and steady and you’ll be there.
Finally, confidence. Being attractive and beautiful is a mindset, not a look. If you can look in the mirror and, no matter what you see, say, I’m beautiful today, then it’s decided. That’s just a fact now. And if that’s too big a step, then think of it like this: celebrate your body for all that it can do, not the way it looks. Think of how amazing it is that maybe you’ve climbed that tree or won that race or danced at that party or lifted that weight. That’s pretty incredible, right? Think of all your body has done for you and slowly realise how amazing you are. Then wear those clothes that make you feel self-conscious, because one day, after enough wearing, they won’t anymore.
Treat yourself like someone you love, compliment yourself, hype yourself up and celebrate how cool it is that you’re challenging this toxic idea of your body. I really and truly hope that this helped someone, in any way at all, because everyone deserves to feel loved, including by themselves.
My final message is: don’t shrink yourself, you’re allowed to take up space.
Eleanor Walters