Slade's just not going to cut it this year
I am – without a doubt - the most irritating Christmas song fanatic you’d ever (not) want to know. But this week, I’ve been diving into the deepest, darkest realms of the underworld of festive music to bring to the surface a mere ten of the shiniest, most Christmassy, most underappreciated gems I could possibly sift out. And this turned out to be, of course, a very difficult task; Elton was practically screaming ‘Step into Christmas’ into my ears whilst McCartney tried to convince me that we would simply NOT be having a wonderful Christmastime if he didn’t feature on my list. Unfortunately, their fame and success has cost them their spot on my unsurmountable Top Ten.
10. Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas – She & Him
We all know her as Jovi in the hilarious Christmas classic about an out-of-place elf, but when Zooey Deschanel is not spreading Christmas cheer by “singing loud for all to hear”, she’s belting out Christmas crackers with Matthew “M” Ward in the wonderful duo, ‘She & Him’. Released on 24th October 2011, their bluesy, stripped back rendition of the classic Crimbo number is a particularly special one, but the entirety of ‘A Very She & Him Christmas’ is absolutely worth a listen as you tumble into the most wonderful time of the year (and may very well ease the tedium of an intense present wrapping session…)
Chart Position: N/A
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=phF-c6RZYgU
9. December Will Be Magic Again – Kate Bush
The Wuthering Heights singer drags us to dizzy heights with her sweet, falsetto tones in this piece of beauty, released on 17th November 1980 officially, after writing and recording the track in 1979. The simple piano-and-voice style perfectly matches the delicate nature of the song, and lyrically, in typical-Bush style, it is never flawed. If you can’t get hold of a large glass of mulled something, this piece will warm your cockles in exactly the same way. I think you’ll agree, after listening, that this track is very much deserved of a spot in this compilation of under-appreciated gems.
Chart Position: 29
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pZiadb3bpOI
8. Christmas in Hollis – Run D.M.C.
So this number was released from the compilation album A Very Special Christmas in 1987. It may not have the same emotional impact as some of the other songs I’ve mentioned in this countdown, but it defines everything that is that childish, overly-excitable feeling you get every time someone mentions December – which, I suppose, is what the 25th is really all about. And this song definitely achieves that, in the only way that Run D.M.C. knows how.
Chart Position: 78 (Billboard Hot R&B/Hip-Hop songs 2000)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OR07r0ZMFb8
7. The First Song – Band of Horses
When looking closely at the lyrics, I realised they were very ambiguous…verging on nonsensical. Nonetheless, this dream-pop, shoegaze wonder is a treat to the ears, and is saturated with heavy, jangly guitar parts and a perfectly-matched drum-beat. It doesn’t initially sound typically festive, but the lyrics certainly do, and this therefore acts as the perfect substitute to the tiresome tracks we absorb habitually each year.
Chart Position: 191 (UK album chart)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dl1tIH5ByDg
6. Alien for Christmas – Fountains of Wayne
I personally don’t think this needs any further explanation. This punk-rocky track goes against all the typical romantic, sugary songs that we grin and bear every year, and simply tells the story of a boy that wants, lo and behold, an alien for Christmas. And to that, I salute you, Fountains of Wayne. This 1997 track will forever remain in all of our hearts.
Chart Position: 36
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sXEjd_vz-Hk
5. ¿Dónde Está Santa Claus? – Augie Rios
This could win an award for cutest Christmas song ever. I think it’s accidently become one of my favourite Christmas songs ever…or at least made it to my top 20. The track itself was released in 1959 when Rios was just 12, and certainly won over more than just a Spanish crowd. ¿Dónde Está Santa Claus? could thaw the coldest of Grinches, the bah-est of humbugs and the meanest of Scrooges; it is pure, festive sweetness, and warmer than a big mug of hot chocolate with whipped cream and sprinkles.
I especially like the mention of reindeer Panchro and Pedro…Dasher and Dancer’s long lost Spanish cousins, I imagine.
Chart Position: 47
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mK77rxuXK5s
4. Christmas Is Coming Soon! – Blitzen Trapper
I find that there’s something so entrancingly magical in the style of guitar-and-song - especially the way that Blitzen Trapper do it. From the poetic nature of the lead vocal and lyrics, to the elegant, subtle harmonies in all the right places, to the beautifully complex guitar part married with a few underlying jingle bells, this song has it all, and will transport you to another place when you listen to it. This track was released by the festive-named band in 2003, and will definitely become a new addition to my current Christmas repertoire.
Chart Position: N/A
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fL_O_ywujSQ
3. Is This Christmas? – The Wombats
This song practically defines the festive season. It’s up-tempo, fun-filled indie-pop style will automatically leave you feeling as though you are 5 years old and about to hop into bed at 7 on Christmas Eve because you physically can’t wait any longer for Santa to arrive (or, at least that’s how I felt when I listened to it…). Released in 2007, an arguably fantastic year for British music anyway, it found a lot of its fame on the gloriously named ‘The Best Kids’ Christmas Album in the World Ever Ever!!!’ compilation album.
Chart Position: 49
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QQAmwRM-vXU
2. Christmas TV – Slow Club
I’ve been a big fan of this record since hearing it a few years after its release in 2009, and it’s still one of my all-time favourites. The uplifting piece of festive joy tells the story of two lovers in a complicated relationship that want to spend the Christmas season together. The blissful, acoustic guitar accompaniment against the sweet harmonies between singers, Charles Watson and Rebecca Taylor, make for a perfectly Christmassy, yet wonderfully halcyon, tune. The single itself comes from an EP entitled Christmas, Thanks For Nothing, including five other delights that are equally perfect for the festive season.
Chart position: N/A
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9E1hCYVTvZ4
1. It’s Clichéd To Be Cynical At Christmas – Half Man Half Biscuit
After wallowing in my own tears after listening to about 6,562 festive-themed songs I’ve tried to resist using throughout this article (with difficulty) – I finally stumbled across probably the most brilliant Christmas song to pass straight under our noses of all time. The infamously satirical boys from Merseyside take typical Christmas song traditions and turn them on their heads in the best possible fashion, with this whacky, ironic concoction of festive reality and witty humour (released in 2000). It completely shuns all the Christmas killjoys whilst simultaneously making a mockery of Christmastime itself, in a way that I’ll never quite work out. It takes to the task of creating a yuletide classic from a completely different angle to any other Christmas song I’ve heard before (and believe me, after compiling this list, I’ve heard A LOT), and for that reason, it would’ve been criminal not to have this track sitting proudly at Number 1 for Most Underappreciated Christmas Song of All Time.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cxqQtUQErhQ
Chart Position: N/A
So there you have it. Ten Christmas songs that you may or may not have heard before, and you may or may not want to add to your current repertoire of Christmas compositions. But, obviously, don’t forget the classics – Christmas is just not Christmas without Noddy Holder bellowing about it.
Lucy Powderly, Year 12
10. Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas – She & Him
We all know her as Jovi in the hilarious Christmas classic about an out-of-place elf, but when Zooey Deschanel is not spreading Christmas cheer by “singing loud for all to hear”, she’s belting out Christmas crackers with Matthew “M” Ward in the wonderful duo, ‘She & Him’. Released on 24th October 2011, their bluesy, stripped back rendition of the classic Crimbo number is a particularly special one, but the entirety of ‘A Very She & Him Christmas’ is absolutely worth a listen as you tumble into the most wonderful time of the year (and may very well ease the tedium of an intense present wrapping session…)
Chart Position: N/A
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=phF-c6RZYgU
9. December Will Be Magic Again – Kate Bush
The Wuthering Heights singer drags us to dizzy heights with her sweet, falsetto tones in this piece of beauty, released on 17th November 1980 officially, after writing and recording the track in 1979. The simple piano-and-voice style perfectly matches the delicate nature of the song, and lyrically, in typical-Bush style, it is never flawed. If you can’t get hold of a large glass of mulled something, this piece will warm your cockles in exactly the same way. I think you’ll agree, after listening, that this track is very much deserved of a spot in this compilation of under-appreciated gems.
Chart Position: 29
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pZiadb3bpOI
8. Christmas in Hollis – Run D.M.C.
So this number was released from the compilation album A Very Special Christmas in 1987. It may not have the same emotional impact as some of the other songs I’ve mentioned in this countdown, but it defines everything that is that childish, overly-excitable feeling you get every time someone mentions December – which, I suppose, is what the 25th is really all about. And this song definitely achieves that, in the only way that Run D.M.C. knows how.
Chart Position: 78 (Billboard Hot R&B/Hip-Hop songs 2000)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OR07r0ZMFb8
7. The First Song – Band of Horses
When looking closely at the lyrics, I realised they were very ambiguous…verging on nonsensical. Nonetheless, this dream-pop, shoegaze wonder is a treat to the ears, and is saturated with heavy, jangly guitar parts and a perfectly-matched drum-beat. It doesn’t initially sound typically festive, but the lyrics certainly do, and this therefore acts as the perfect substitute to the tiresome tracks we absorb habitually each year.
Chart Position: 191 (UK album chart)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dl1tIH5ByDg
6. Alien for Christmas – Fountains of Wayne
I personally don’t think this needs any further explanation. This punk-rocky track goes against all the typical romantic, sugary songs that we grin and bear every year, and simply tells the story of a boy that wants, lo and behold, an alien for Christmas. And to that, I salute you, Fountains of Wayne. This 1997 track will forever remain in all of our hearts.
Chart Position: 36
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sXEjd_vz-Hk
5. ¿Dónde Está Santa Claus? – Augie Rios
This could win an award for cutest Christmas song ever. I think it’s accidently become one of my favourite Christmas songs ever…or at least made it to my top 20. The track itself was released in 1959 when Rios was just 12, and certainly won over more than just a Spanish crowd. ¿Dónde Está Santa Claus? could thaw the coldest of Grinches, the bah-est of humbugs and the meanest of Scrooges; it is pure, festive sweetness, and warmer than a big mug of hot chocolate with whipped cream and sprinkles.
I especially like the mention of reindeer Panchro and Pedro…Dasher and Dancer’s long lost Spanish cousins, I imagine.
Chart Position: 47
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mK77rxuXK5s
4. Christmas Is Coming Soon! – Blitzen Trapper
I find that there’s something so entrancingly magical in the style of guitar-and-song - especially the way that Blitzen Trapper do it. From the poetic nature of the lead vocal and lyrics, to the elegant, subtle harmonies in all the right places, to the beautifully complex guitar part married with a few underlying jingle bells, this song has it all, and will transport you to another place when you listen to it. This track was released by the festive-named band in 2003, and will definitely become a new addition to my current Christmas repertoire.
Chart Position: N/A
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fL_O_ywujSQ
3. Is This Christmas? – The Wombats
This song practically defines the festive season. It’s up-tempo, fun-filled indie-pop style will automatically leave you feeling as though you are 5 years old and about to hop into bed at 7 on Christmas Eve because you physically can’t wait any longer for Santa to arrive (or, at least that’s how I felt when I listened to it…). Released in 2007, an arguably fantastic year for British music anyway, it found a lot of its fame on the gloriously named ‘The Best Kids’ Christmas Album in the World Ever Ever!!!’ compilation album.
Chart Position: 49
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QQAmwRM-vXU
2. Christmas TV – Slow Club
I’ve been a big fan of this record since hearing it a few years after its release in 2009, and it’s still one of my all-time favourites. The uplifting piece of festive joy tells the story of two lovers in a complicated relationship that want to spend the Christmas season together. The blissful, acoustic guitar accompaniment against the sweet harmonies between singers, Charles Watson and Rebecca Taylor, make for a perfectly Christmassy, yet wonderfully halcyon, tune. The single itself comes from an EP entitled Christmas, Thanks For Nothing, including five other delights that are equally perfect for the festive season.
Chart position: N/A
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9E1hCYVTvZ4
1. It’s Clichéd To Be Cynical At Christmas – Half Man Half Biscuit
After wallowing in my own tears after listening to about 6,562 festive-themed songs I’ve tried to resist using throughout this article (with difficulty) – I finally stumbled across probably the most brilliant Christmas song to pass straight under our noses of all time. The infamously satirical boys from Merseyside take typical Christmas song traditions and turn them on their heads in the best possible fashion, with this whacky, ironic concoction of festive reality and witty humour (released in 2000). It completely shuns all the Christmas killjoys whilst simultaneously making a mockery of Christmastime itself, in a way that I’ll never quite work out. It takes to the task of creating a yuletide classic from a completely different angle to any other Christmas song I’ve heard before (and believe me, after compiling this list, I’ve heard A LOT), and for that reason, it would’ve been criminal not to have this track sitting proudly at Number 1 for Most Underappreciated Christmas Song of All Time.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cxqQtUQErhQ
Chart Position: N/A
So there you have it. Ten Christmas songs that you may or may not have heard before, and you may or may not want to add to your current repertoire of Christmas compositions. But, obviously, don’t forget the classics – Christmas is just not Christmas without Noddy Holder bellowing about it.
Lucy Powderly, Year 12
Advent Adverts...they're here again
Unfortunately for critics like Charlie Brooker, it's that time of year again. The Christmas adverts reign supreme over our screens like jolly dictators. These festive early birds never fail to dominate everything that stands in their way. Some companies surrendered to the bonanza as early as November this year. So what's the rush with the commercials? Of course… Money. How could anyone ruin the jolliest season of the year to get as much money as they can before good old Santa even comes down the chimney?
Of course, the thing that the public have collected and stored their precious boxes of Kleenex for is the keenly-anticipated, heart-wrenching John Lewis advert that never fails to bring waterfalls showering down from the eyes of the nation. Last year we were visited by a sweet ex-Antarctic inhabitant who clearly wasn't affected by the sudden change of environment but became infatuated by the idea of love and eventually found a partner wrapped under the tree after a piece of top-secret penguin smuggling. I'm surprised it didn't suffocate. Not to sound too cynical, I did feel some emotions during the advert; I felt sorry for the penguin. But that's so 2014.
This year, instead of smuggling endangered animals, a young girl performs a miracle (an act that defies science) in sending a telescope to the lonely man on the moon. No I don't mean the blessed Dreamworks character that rolls before every one of their movies. I'm talking about a lonely old gent living in outer space where somehow he can breathe without oxygen, which makes me question whether or not he is an actual human – as opposed to a sinister shape-shifting alien - at all.
But this heart string-tugging commercial shows an act of kindness from a young girl who generously sends a telescope to this lonely man on the moon as a present for Christmas, so he can use it to zoom into earth to watch this gentle girl waving from her bedroom window. First of all how did she manage to use some technologically advanced balloons to send this gift into outer space to this man? Does she have some hybrids creating this futuristic balloon to travel to space with no problem? Ours is not to reason why. What I loved about the advert is the display of a young heart. The advert shows the sweet determination of a child; a determination to send joy to even the most faraway places, to those who need some kindness. To infinity and beyond. Those who humbly commit these kind acts from a young age should inspire us. A lot of us could take some influence from this youngster, and maybe share love to someone who needs love on this special occasion. No, you don’t have to study rocket science to send love to this “Man on the Moon.” There are so many more ways to send love and maybe you could help someone who needs it this Christmas.
As you may know this advert was in collaboration with Age UK, a charity who support the elderly and are raising awareness of those who may be left alone at the most wonderful time of the year. It is remarkable what this charity does to support the elderly, to raise awareness of the challenging nature of old age. I praise this commercial for doing something special for the nation. Thumbs up to John Lewis, for raising awareness of this amazing charity and in general, the elderly this Christmas time.
At the other end of the festive spectrum, we have PayPal…who decided to make little children goggle-boxing at home run to their parents and ask: Is Santa real? This advertisement portrays two young kiddies who seem to have come up with a theory: that the jolly old fella that brings love and joy to this time of year is in fact their parents. So they equip themselves for a Mission-Impossible style assignment: catch the parents with the presents. The little boys are then shocked to find stockpiles under the tree with no evidence that the parents are responsible. But right at the end of the commercial we are seen with the suspects themselves checking out online shopping for a train-set. Caught red-handed.
So is Santa really a myth? Unsurprisingly parents have not been impressed. It just shows how greedy companies can get for money, enough to rob a child of some of the magic of Christmas that indeed makes it so festively special. That's something money cannot buy. The magic of Christmas is Christmas, especially to the younger generations.
So are they there to enrich Christmas or just enrich themselves? Is Christmas being used as a way to sell products and not to bring joy and harmony to the world as it used to be? It’s quite a cruel reality if you look at it this way. And quite frankly, Christmas isn’t about how much you make for the end of the year or how much money you can make by using Christmas as a marketing tool. Christmas is about celebrating reunions of families and friends; it’s about how we spend our Christmas – not about how we spend our money. It’s not about giving things we’ve bought; it’s about giving joy to those we love. And that’s how it should be.
Lauren Smith, Year 12
Of course, the thing that the public have collected and stored their precious boxes of Kleenex for is the keenly-anticipated, heart-wrenching John Lewis advert that never fails to bring waterfalls showering down from the eyes of the nation. Last year we were visited by a sweet ex-Antarctic inhabitant who clearly wasn't affected by the sudden change of environment but became infatuated by the idea of love and eventually found a partner wrapped under the tree after a piece of top-secret penguin smuggling. I'm surprised it didn't suffocate. Not to sound too cynical, I did feel some emotions during the advert; I felt sorry for the penguin. But that's so 2014.
This year, instead of smuggling endangered animals, a young girl performs a miracle (an act that defies science) in sending a telescope to the lonely man on the moon. No I don't mean the blessed Dreamworks character that rolls before every one of their movies. I'm talking about a lonely old gent living in outer space where somehow he can breathe without oxygen, which makes me question whether or not he is an actual human – as opposed to a sinister shape-shifting alien - at all.
But this heart string-tugging commercial shows an act of kindness from a young girl who generously sends a telescope to this lonely man on the moon as a present for Christmas, so he can use it to zoom into earth to watch this gentle girl waving from her bedroom window. First of all how did she manage to use some technologically advanced balloons to send this gift into outer space to this man? Does she have some hybrids creating this futuristic balloon to travel to space with no problem? Ours is not to reason why. What I loved about the advert is the display of a young heart. The advert shows the sweet determination of a child; a determination to send joy to even the most faraway places, to those who need some kindness. To infinity and beyond. Those who humbly commit these kind acts from a young age should inspire us. A lot of us could take some influence from this youngster, and maybe share love to someone who needs love on this special occasion. No, you don’t have to study rocket science to send love to this “Man on the Moon.” There are so many more ways to send love and maybe you could help someone who needs it this Christmas.
As you may know this advert was in collaboration with Age UK, a charity who support the elderly and are raising awareness of those who may be left alone at the most wonderful time of the year. It is remarkable what this charity does to support the elderly, to raise awareness of the challenging nature of old age. I praise this commercial for doing something special for the nation. Thumbs up to John Lewis, for raising awareness of this amazing charity and in general, the elderly this Christmas time.
At the other end of the festive spectrum, we have PayPal…who decided to make little children goggle-boxing at home run to their parents and ask: Is Santa real? This advertisement portrays two young kiddies who seem to have come up with a theory: that the jolly old fella that brings love and joy to this time of year is in fact their parents. So they equip themselves for a Mission-Impossible style assignment: catch the parents with the presents. The little boys are then shocked to find stockpiles under the tree with no evidence that the parents are responsible. But right at the end of the commercial we are seen with the suspects themselves checking out online shopping for a train-set. Caught red-handed.
So is Santa really a myth? Unsurprisingly parents have not been impressed. It just shows how greedy companies can get for money, enough to rob a child of some of the magic of Christmas that indeed makes it so festively special. That's something money cannot buy. The magic of Christmas is Christmas, especially to the younger generations.
So are they there to enrich Christmas or just enrich themselves? Is Christmas being used as a way to sell products and not to bring joy and harmony to the world as it used to be? It’s quite a cruel reality if you look at it this way. And quite frankly, Christmas isn’t about how much you make for the end of the year or how much money you can make by using Christmas as a marketing tool. Christmas is about celebrating reunions of families and friends; it’s about how we spend our Christmas – not about how we spend our money. It’s not about giving things we’ve bought; it’s about giving joy to those we love. And that’s how it should be.
Lauren Smith, Year 12
Baubles, beards and brussel sprouts - how to deal with Christmas
Festive Fever. It is a common illness that catches the world's attention quicker than flu in December. I'm talking about the spamming of Facebook updates, the Instagram early birds showing off their Grottos where they planted their agricultural tree (that is entwined with so many lights that it really is a shocker that it hasn't set alight yet.)
If I hear one more Mariah Carey wannabe spam and wail their way onto my Facebook news feed, you'll have to forgive me for the responsibility of someone's murder on your local pages. For I (like every other human being) hear that song a minimum of two hundred times on Christmas day itself (excluding the two-month official build-up.) After 16 long and dragging years it does eventually grind your gears, hearing the same old 40 tracks being played this month, despite the whole nation tolerating them every single year. It makes me wonder whether or not any more decent Christmas tunes will ever make it into the modern era? Or will we be listening to the same Christmas album for the next century? Bandaid would be celebrating their anniversary of hitting their one hundred milestone and still we would still probably be replaying the same songs. The bells will certainly ring out on that occasion, where the smoky voices of The Pogues and Kirsty Maccoll will yet again claim the ears of the country, as the drunken nation wails the duet through a karaoke machine. You'll find me perched (sober may I add) with earplugs in the corner reading classic literature.
It's that time of year where you cannot escape the jolly wrath of the ‘season to be jolly.’ Nowhere is safe from this bazaar whatsoever. I once tried… Having woken up to the Christmas sounds of the songs on the radio, I quickly dressed and left the house to get some fresh air that would be less Christmassy, only to find my neighbours had their garden decorated with sparkling lights and a massive blow-up Father Christmas.
The birds stare in absolute bewilderment at this contraption, and keep their distance from the airheaded idol whilst the Magpies particularly get their jewels out of their nests as offerings to the December demon.
Even in the car, there is no escape: there are decorations that scatter the streets, even the lamps subject to Festive vandalism with banners of joy, lighting up the roads at night, resembling a special part of Christmas. Just when you think the worst is over, the radio is still blaring anthems of December, and I am welcomed by Christmas jumpers galore, everywhere.
Then comes the day itself, complete with tiny relatives. I have the joy and privilege of having a four year-old cousin, who is just beginning her hyperactive childhood phase. It truly is painful. When I thought her previous present of her bicycle (with a horn and a bell. I repeat. A horn and a bell) was bad enough, I'm now embarked on a day of so much screaming and devouring of everybody's wrapping paper that I could invite David Attenborough to spend his Christmas with my family and he'd easily write up a wildlife documentary centred in our household. I could picture his husky voice commentating on my young relative's high pitched wails and screams as she runs around the house so many times with no apparent loss of energy that she'd outmatch Mo Farah in the next Olympics.
And of course the radio is still on in the background: the X Factor release their "winning single" that somehow reaches the Christmas number one every year, yet it's never about Christmas. It's the least festive single you could possibly wish for, to be announced over the media everywhere. In fairness, for some years, we have been blessed with beautiful songs, such as The Military Wives Choir, whom the country forced to number one to block the wails of the X-tra fake reality TV show for just one year. It was a miracle, but that Christmas, for once, we had a song with meaning, an original song. Not another imitation we have to tolerate.
Maybe those ancient classics are the best after all. The Christmas number ones with meaning that are played ceaselessly until the end of the year, and are remembered for decades to count rather than a couple of weeks with no remembrance after the next two years. They do bring festivity and joy after all. And that's how everyone likes it in the end. Merry Christmas 2015, I hope this one blasts as loud as a cracker!
Lauren Smith, Year 12
If I hear one more Mariah Carey wannabe spam and wail their way onto my Facebook news feed, you'll have to forgive me for the responsibility of someone's murder on your local pages. For I (like every other human being) hear that song a minimum of two hundred times on Christmas day itself (excluding the two-month official build-up.) After 16 long and dragging years it does eventually grind your gears, hearing the same old 40 tracks being played this month, despite the whole nation tolerating them every single year. It makes me wonder whether or not any more decent Christmas tunes will ever make it into the modern era? Or will we be listening to the same Christmas album for the next century? Bandaid would be celebrating their anniversary of hitting their one hundred milestone and still we would still probably be replaying the same songs. The bells will certainly ring out on that occasion, where the smoky voices of The Pogues and Kirsty Maccoll will yet again claim the ears of the country, as the drunken nation wails the duet through a karaoke machine. You'll find me perched (sober may I add) with earplugs in the corner reading classic literature.
It's that time of year where you cannot escape the jolly wrath of the ‘season to be jolly.’ Nowhere is safe from this bazaar whatsoever. I once tried… Having woken up to the Christmas sounds of the songs on the radio, I quickly dressed and left the house to get some fresh air that would be less Christmassy, only to find my neighbours had their garden decorated with sparkling lights and a massive blow-up Father Christmas.
The birds stare in absolute bewilderment at this contraption, and keep their distance from the airheaded idol whilst the Magpies particularly get their jewels out of their nests as offerings to the December demon.
Even in the car, there is no escape: there are decorations that scatter the streets, even the lamps subject to Festive vandalism with banners of joy, lighting up the roads at night, resembling a special part of Christmas. Just when you think the worst is over, the radio is still blaring anthems of December, and I am welcomed by Christmas jumpers galore, everywhere.
Then comes the day itself, complete with tiny relatives. I have the joy and privilege of having a four year-old cousin, who is just beginning her hyperactive childhood phase. It truly is painful. When I thought her previous present of her bicycle (with a horn and a bell. I repeat. A horn and a bell) was bad enough, I'm now embarked on a day of so much screaming and devouring of everybody's wrapping paper that I could invite David Attenborough to spend his Christmas with my family and he'd easily write up a wildlife documentary centred in our household. I could picture his husky voice commentating on my young relative's high pitched wails and screams as she runs around the house so many times with no apparent loss of energy that she'd outmatch Mo Farah in the next Olympics.
And of course the radio is still on in the background: the X Factor release their "winning single" that somehow reaches the Christmas number one every year, yet it's never about Christmas. It's the least festive single you could possibly wish for, to be announced over the media everywhere. In fairness, for some years, we have been blessed with beautiful songs, such as The Military Wives Choir, whom the country forced to number one to block the wails of the X-tra fake reality TV show for just one year. It was a miracle, but that Christmas, for once, we had a song with meaning, an original song. Not another imitation we have to tolerate.
Maybe those ancient classics are the best after all. The Christmas number ones with meaning that are played ceaselessly until the end of the year, and are remembered for decades to count rather than a couple of weeks with no remembrance after the next two years. They do bring festivity and joy after all. And that's how everyone likes it in the end. Merry Christmas 2015, I hope this one blasts as loud as a cracker!
Lauren Smith, Year 12