Queer Kid Survival Guide: Part Two
Lesson 2: Negative reactions (And how to deal with them)
Following my previous edition of A Queer Kid Survival Guide, I am going to shed some light on one of the most crucial elements of coming out: the aftermath.
People aren’t always going to understand you, and that’s life. But there is a difference between someone misunderstanding who you are, and someone refusing to accept or respect who you are. The former is acceptable; it should be countered with education and kindness. The latter is not.
Both, however, are concepts that LGBTQ+ people fight against every day. In this instalment of the guide, I will attempt to advise you on how to deal with both.
The people who do not accept or respect you, and the ones who want to disregard all that you have gone through, are not worth your time.
Anyone who refuses to respect you is wrong, and is living in the wrong century. You deserve to be respected. My advice is to ignore them. If they are friends, they do not deserve to have that honour. If they are acquaintances, you do not have to acquaint yourselves with them any longer. You will be happier without those people in your life. If they are your family, you may have to live with that hurt. You may not have a choice as to whether you see them every day, but be strong in the knowledge that they are the ones who are wrong. We are kids now, but we are growing up, and one day we will be able to leave those people behind.
We will find the people that deserve to love us.
Some people are trying their best to understand. Remember that. They may speak from ignorance and ask why you ‘decided’ to be gay, or ‘decided’ to be a different gender from the one they thought you were. You are allowed to be angry with these people, and you are allowed to tell them they are wrong.
You should.
But be kind: remember that once you knew just as little as they did until you learnt about it all - until you learnt about yourself. If they are good people they will listen to you, and they will work to change what they have been taught. If they refuse to learn, well, you know what to do with them don’t you? (See paragraph four)
I’m lucky to not have been faced with many bad reactions; I’ve never had a person outright disregard my identity or tell me that my queerness or gender non-conformity was wrong. Everyone I have met has been accepting and prepared to educate themselves- but that does not mean that all that they say is acceptable.
People ask me if I am going to have surgery or whether I am going to “really become a man” (they do this while gesturing to my trousers, so I think you can guess what they are referring to.)
In all honesty, it is none of their business. And I would encourage you to tell them that. You are not obliged to answer questions that make you uncomfortable, they don’t need to know that to respect you. And everyone deserves respect.
Don’t be afraid to ask for it.
Following my previous edition of A Queer Kid Survival Guide, I am going to shed some light on one of the most crucial elements of coming out: the aftermath.
People aren’t always going to understand you, and that’s life. But there is a difference between someone misunderstanding who you are, and someone refusing to accept or respect who you are. The former is acceptable; it should be countered with education and kindness. The latter is not.
Both, however, are concepts that LGBTQ+ people fight against every day. In this instalment of the guide, I will attempt to advise you on how to deal with both.
The people who do not accept or respect you, and the ones who want to disregard all that you have gone through, are not worth your time.
Anyone who refuses to respect you is wrong, and is living in the wrong century. You deserve to be respected. My advice is to ignore them. If they are friends, they do not deserve to have that honour. If they are acquaintances, you do not have to acquaint yourselves with them any longer. You will be happier without those people in your life. If they are your family, you may have to live with that hurt. You may not have a choice as to whether you see them every day, but be strong in the knowledge that they are the ones who are wrong. We are kids now, but we are growing up, and one day we will be able to leave those people behind.
We will find the people that deserve to love us.
Some people are trying their best to understand. Remember that. They may speak from ignorance and ask why you ‘decided’ to be gay, or ‘decided’ to be a different gender from the one they thought you were. You are allowed to be angry with these people, and you are allowed to tell them they are wrong.
You should.
But be kind: remember that once you knew just as little as they did until you learnt about it all - until you learnt about yourself. If they are good people they will listen to you, and they will work to change what they have been taught. If they refuse to learn, well, you know what to do with them don’t you? (See paragraph four)
I’m lucky to not have been faced with many bad reactions; I’ve never had a person outright disregard my identity or tell me that my queerness or gender non-conformity was wrong. Everyone I have met has been accepting and prepared to educate themselves- but that does not mean that all that they say is acceptable.
People ask me if I am going to have surgery or whether I am going to “really become a man” (they do this while gesturing to my trousers, so I think you can guess what they are referring to.)
In all honesty, it is none of their business. And I would encourage you to tell them that. You are not obliged to answer questions that make you uncomfortable, they don’t need to know that to respect you. And everyone deserves respect.
Don’t be afraid to ask for it.
