Making the final moments count
(READER CAUTION ADVISED: THE FOLLOWING TEXT MAY CONTAIN UPSETTING SUBJECTS)
Lucy is an independent funeral director, helping anybody who needs her services wherever she goes. Madeleine Dooley interviewed her all about her experiences.
Q: What job did you have before becoming a funeral director?
A: I was in marketing for my whole career from the ages of eighteen to fifty before becoming a funeral director.
Q: When did you start this job?
A: I became a funeral director when I was fifty, and I am still a funeral director to this day.
Q: Why did you switch jobs?
A: I worked for myself for the last twenty-two odd years, and I found marketing to be a fun job to have. However, I felt that as I got older, marketing didn’t feel rewarding - I didn’t feel like I was making a difference in any way.
Then, a friend of mine died very suddenly. When I went to the funeral, I thought – because it was so different - this is what it should be like: it should reflect the person and their values. This idea then helped me start my company/business.
Having worked for myself for so many years, I couldn’t have gone and got a job in the funeral industry - so it was better for me to start my own business.
Q: What does your job involve?
A: It involves having to go and get the person that has passed away. This could be from someone’s own home, a care home, or a hospital. Then, I meet the family to talk about arrangements for funerals.
I take care of the person that has died. This can involve getting them dressed in clothes that the family gives me and making them look nice if people are coming to spend time with them. Additionally, I have to book the crematorium, or church, and sort out the arrangements. I also have to create and design the service sheets, as well as arranging the music for the funeral itself. On top of this, if the family are having photos at the funeral, I am responsible for uploading all the photos. I make sure to do paperwork, which goes to the church or the crematorium, and, on the day of the funeral, I conduct it. This means that I am the person who is in charge of the funeral itself - making sure that the cars are clean and tidy, getting the sheets printed, and that the person is ready on the day of the funeral. I bow to the coffin to show a sign of respect, and then I travel to wherever the funeral is.
Q: How do you stay happy when you are dealing with such upsetting situations?
A: It’s a very hard job. It can be emotionally taxing because you’re supporting very sad people. But it is immensely rewarding to be able to help families. Although the funeral is a sad time, you are also remembering happy moments. I cope with it by talking to my partner, who is also a funeral director, and I go to the gym to make myself feel better when I need to. I also like going out with her friends, too.
I think it’s important that you must be respectful and do not seem stern. I think it makes more people at ease and I appear more relaxed and friendly. Some funerals are a lot harder than others, especially if it’s a child - that’s very hard.
Q: What was your favourite funeral?
A: I once did a Harry Potter funeral for a lady who loved Harry Potter. Her funeral was in a place that looked like the Great Hall, and they all had to look like Harry Potter characters too! We have had funerals in peoples’ gardens, in barns, and even a crematorium hall that had been turned into an art gallery. We’ve even had dogs and horses at our funerals!
However, my favourite most recent one is for a lady who was in her 90s. We carried her coffin into the crematorium along to her favourite party track, which was ‘Rock DJ’ by Robbie Williams. As we brought her in, everybody turned to us, everyone singing the lyrics to the songs - it was a very joyful moment.
Q: What have you learnt from your job?
A: I’ve learnt a huge amount in the last three years - and I’m still learning. I think I’ve learnt that every single family is different, and you have to listen really well to know what will be right for that family.
Q: Has anything surprised you?
A: I’ve certainly been surprised lots by my job. What surprised me the most was the way you can have joy and humour present at somebody’s send-off, while it is simultaneously a sad occasion. I’ve also learnt that some drivers think that it’s okay to overtake a hearse, which surprises me - people should have patience.
Q: What would you say to people who would say this job could be depressing?
A: I would say that it can be sad - definitely. But it’s very, very rewarding because you are helping people when they really need it, and that isn’t depressing at all. That makes you feel like you’re making a difference.
It’s a male dominated profession too - I get lots of people come to me because I’m not a fella, and they want to have a lady looking after them rather than a gentleman.
Madeleine Dooley, Year 8